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A letter from gaza

Posted on December 31, 2008 //

This is the fifth day of the Israeli military operation on Gaza called ‘Cast Lead’. Horror and destruction is everywhere. There are things that are not well reported in the news, feelings!! I have three children, a daughter Nour who is 14, a son Adam who is 9 and another son Ali who is 3. We live in an area in Gaza city that used to be described ‘safe’. Nowhere is safe anymore. My children cannot sleep and I cannot help them. The feelings of helplessness and guilt (which always accompanies your inability to protect or at least comfort your children) are stronger than those of fear and horror. My daughter was telling a journalist on the phone yesterday that she had never got the real support she sought from me whenever there was a shelling. I was shocked!! I felt so guilty because my daughter felt my fears. But is it not normal to be scared after all?! Adam is asthmatic and he uses a ventilator. Due to the stress and the pollution resulting from rubbles, he is getting more frequent asthma attacks and there is no electricity for his ventilator. Each time he has an attack, we have to put the generator on for him and then put it off. There is no enough fuel to keep the generator on and we have no idea till when this is going to continue. Ali has no idea what this is all about. All what he does is scream in fear whenever there is a bombing and when it is over, he uses his imagination to tell stories about ‘qasef – bombing’. The kids do not sleep. We spend our days and nights in one single room with my sister in law and her daughter. You feel the stress and fear. You can see it on everyone’s face.


Last night I was thinking about all this. I do not want anyone of my family to get hurt and I thought if anything should happen, I pray it happens to me and not my kids. Then I thought I do not want my kids to see me torn into pieces. The scenes on tv of people killed are so terrifying and I know what it means for children to see such thing. What I really want is for all this to end and for me and my kids to live just like anyone else in the world. I want to get rid of the feeling of guilt towards my kids. Was I mistaken to have kids in the first place? Do not I have the right to be a mother? But am I really doing a good mother’s ‘job’ in being the source of comfort for my kids. I know it is not my fault but I knew also that I live in Gaza and Gaza has never been a healthy environment to raise children. Was I that selfish to think about my own feeling to want to be a mother and ignoring my expected failure to protect my kids?


Nirmeen Kharma Elsarraj

Via her sister Rania Kharma

<rania_kharma@yahoo.com>

Filed Under: Current Affairs // Tagged: , ,

Happy Nu Year

Posted on December 31, 2008 //

Here’s wishing all the authors and readers of deadpanthoughts a Happy new year…2009

I hope you’ve all managed to wrap up the odds and ends of 2008 – lets walk into the new day and the new year with hope, enthusiasm, and a fresh perspective for the future :)

best of luck…

Filed Under: Uncategorized // Tagged: , , , ,

Gaza burns

Posted on December 29, 2008 //

28mideast1-650For the last week Gaza city in Palestine has been subjected to severe bombing by Israeli aircraft who according to Israeli government are responding to rocket attacks by Hamas.

Hamas came into power in Palestine because it was voted into power, the people want its leadership and now they are paying for their democracy.

Around 360 people have died in these bombing attacks, around 60 of these being civilians, the rest are claimed to be militants. We stand by in shame and watch as Muslims are murdered in their own homes and streets because they dared to chose their leaders.

It is ironic that no one raises voice for these people while hell broke lose when half the amount of people were killed in the recent Mumbai tragedy. Where is our humane spirit now? Where are the candles being held by huge protest marches? Where is decency?

The entire world should be ashamed of themselves for standing by as Israel ignores calls by the U.N to stop bombing. People are being killed here to satisfy what and whom? We often sit and wonder what causes people to become suicide bombers and give up their own lives to wreak havoc. Well the answer is happening in front of our faces and no one is doing anything to stop it.

Filed Under: Current Affairs // Tagged: , ,

New Year cometh

Posted on December 29, 2008 //

Around this time of the year I happen to get very moody and mopey, no its not because Christmas is here and I do not get to celebrate it, I do wish all those who are a very merry one!

Its because the last week of December marks the end of the year and the start of a new one accompanied with my ever so dreaded birthday which is unfortunately on the 1st of Jan.

I know, it should be fabulous right? being born on the first day of the year, the world celebrating, free fireworks huraaah!!! Its not though, as every year I feel older and older and it seems to be taking a bit of a toll on me recently.

Not that I regret anything in my past years or to put it boldly anything in my life, but somehow I cannot understand how I used to stay up for three nights in a row in college or go on so many crazy binges of so many crazy things and emerge grades in hand and still beaming like a chipmunk for more.

These days if I miss a night of good sleep I have the most horrible day following it, not that I do not make my usual attempts at pushing the limits but lets just say the limits have gotten a bit more errm soft.

Its called settling for things and we do it more and more as years go on by, we do not need to though but we do settle for a bit of flab a bit of excess a bit more sleep, a bit less anxiety taken, a bit less enthusiasm and a bit less adventure do we not? Contentment sets in somewhere around 32 and god knows how long it stays till, I’m guessing till one can maintain some semblance of sanity? Which for a paranoid person like me should be around borderline 40′s.

Sigh… sometimes I pine for the days of my innocence, no matter what my friends think I was bloody innocent once. That’s all gone though is it not? Somewhere deep inside me though I still feel the tug of a sunny day spent doing nothing, no responsibility, no cares, just fun fun and fun.

Still 2008 has been a great year for me, I started writing again, I struggled through quite a lot in my work and my 2nd child my son Shehryar was born. Perhaps the old dawg’s still got some new tricks or at least a remixed rehash of the old ones to keep the world at bay :)

So here is me tail and all wishing everyone a Happpy New Year a Joyous Xmas and a great 2009 full of memories, moments and magic.

If someone sends any Birthday cards they shall be burnt!

Filed Under: Day To Day, Uncategorized // Tagged: , , ,

Winter Weddings – what ever!

Posted on December 28, 2008 //

Hello Hello!

I’ve been on a bit of a sabbatical lately, partially cause inspiration hasn’t struck recently… but mostly because winter-weddings have been taking up most of my time!

I mean we’re talking 8-10 weddings a week – and you’re expected to be at all three weddings on the same night- this includes eating greasy food AND desert! :( However, coupled with past experience, new marriage disaster stories have fueled my distate for this ceremony and its superficiality. Read about it here:

Marriage is for Silly People

So,todays joke that tickled my amusement was :

“Marriages break so fast these days that wedding photographers are using poloroid cameras”.

Thank God wedding season is coming to an end! Amen!

Filed Under: Day To Day // Tagged: , , , , , ,

Best obama impression?

Posted on December 27, 2008 //

Filed Under: Humor // Tagged:

27 Dec revisited

Posted on December 27, 2008 //

Its very peaceful here, almost still. Nothing is open, the TV channels are full of scenes of Benazir Bhutto’s life and the thousands thronging to her grave to offer their sorrow and duas for her salvation. It truly is a sad sort of a day. With so much left unsaid and so many people jumping on the bandwagon of adulation for the slain leader, it seems to be impossible to separate the stalwarts from the hanger on’s.

The reality of things as always is very cruel and one must look back at her life and death with a semblance of reality attached to it. Last 27 Dec this city was set on fire after her death, people were looted, cars were burnt, shops were gutted, entire warehouses emptied of goods. Yet who was caught and tried for these offenses? For that matter what happened to the U.N inquiry into her murder? Or the fact that the British investigation team disclosed of her dying by lieu of explosion rather than a bullet. Till yet her murderers roam around free, who are they that they cannot be brought to justice? Even with her own husband as president of the country.

Yes indeed today is a very sad day, not only because Pakistan lost a leader, and she was one of international stature no matter what any jiala of any organization says about her. We cannot take away her charisma and her appeal at world level. Qualities which Pakistan seems to be so desperately lacking at its helm of affairs as it bumbles through one crises after another. It is such a day because her mission is still left unfulfilled. Her death brought back democracy but it is a faltering one faced by many many difficulties. Her presence at the center of her party which revolved around her like she was the sun is sorely missed, her vision is missed.

Perhaps her son or daughter will grow up to be the leader she could not be because of her untimely demise, perhaps they can learn from her mistakes and rectify some. What I hope they keep close to their heart is the fact that even in her last moments  she was reaching out to the one thing she truly had a connection with and loved, the people of Pakistan. For them she will always be irreplaceable!!

They say names have an influence on peoples lives, well her name certainly holds true to its meaning because in her courage and faults, in her decisions and indecision’s in her stature and her humility she really has no equal. She was Be’nazir.

Filed Under: Day To Day // Tagged: , , ,

Traitor

Posted on December 23, 2008 //

I do not often review movies and for a good reason, its not often that i like or hate one enough to write about them. However this little gem is quite worth the hour and a half you would spend on it.

Traitor is the story of an American special forces op shifting to the other side of the global war going on these days. By other side I mean Al Qaeda here. He works his magic for the forces of evil across the globe and stops at nothing to wreak havoc in the name of Islam.

Sounds familiar? Wait is that not Osama’s story too? Yep that’s pretty much it, but Traitor has quite a few hearty twists in it to keep you riveted till the end of the movie. the fact that Samir’s charecter is constantly at flux in his loyalties and the excellent picturization of the mindset is facinating. The creepiest part for me was the ease with which Samir Horn the character portrayed by Don Cheadle moves across continents from safe house to safe house in his attempt to inflict as much damage on the forces of pax Americana as he can. The heartiest part was the Cia operative Pearce Claytons understanding of Samir’s motives and methods in tracking him. Basically this movie will break quite a few prejudices for the watcher on both sides of the divide.

8/10 stars for me. A must watch!!

Filed Under: Random reviews // Tagged: ,

A Christmas Journey

Posted on December 23, 2008 //

The petrol station is busy with office workers filling their cars and van drivers pumping in just enough fuel to get them through tomorrow. It is already dark, and the sulfurous lights cast a dull glow over the whole scene. Here, Christmas is cut price boxes of Quality Street and a two for one offer on Diet Coke.

The girl is wearing a brightly colored knitted hat with little plaits down either side. She weaves between the pumps, asking if anyone can give her and her companion a lift into Portsmouth.
“It’s not that far” I tell her “You could walk it.”
She shakes her head, plaits jangling, telling me they have heavy bags. She has a terribly posh voice for a hitch-hiker.

I watch her as I fill my car, mindful of warnings about criminals operating through distraction. She comes up to talk to me again, asking where in Portsmouth the yachts would be. If she knew the area, the question would be laughable, but I tell her that the only yachts I can think of are at Port Solent. So she repeats her cheery round of the people with their heads down, wishing she would go away, asking them if they are going there instead.

Inside the petrol station her unkempt, dark haired companion is at the counter trying to draw something to describe what he wants to the staff. In broken English he explains he is Brazilian and has few words. I know the young man who serves me; he is a blonde and wholesome-looking Czech, who has very few more words himself. They seem to have taken to each other.

As I go back to my car I cannot help but ask the girl why she is looking for yachts.
“We’re trying to get to Cuba” she says, as if that explains everything.
I try to tell her that the yachts at Port Solent are pleasure craft, owned by people who come down from London twice a year, but she is adamant it is the right place for them to go, to find a boat on which they can work their passage.
“You’re bananas” I laugh “But I wish you luck.”

She is bananas; she is no more than a silly child with an impossible dream; but as I drive away I envy her that. Untrammelled by responsibility – or even very much in the way of realism – she is pursuing a grand design with vigour. We lose too much of that as we get older.

Filed Under: Day To Day // Tagged: , , ,

Who is targetting who?

Posted on December 19, 2008 //

The reason for putting up this video is to show the citizens of this city the other side of the story as well. It is not just all black and white.

I did not gather these clips, they were shown on all tv channels but sadly as always we only see one side of the coin. Sadly when they speak of immigrants at partition time, they refer to those that left their homes, their businesses and their lifes as “log jo jootay kha rahe the”

Filed Under: Day To Day, Karachi // Tagged: ,
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