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Why thy hate?

Posted on November 30, 2008 //

I can truly understand the Indian governments reckless fingerpointing at us, because

  • It considers Pakistan to be the ultimate bogeyman.
  • It has no explanation for this serious lapse in security in their own city.
  • It has no where else to go, no solution, no answer to what has just happened.
  • It has managed to get away with it in the past.
  • Elections are only a few months away, someone has to be made the sacrificial goat.

However what really gets to me and I say this straight from the heart, is the crowds and common people of Mumbai chanting “Pakistan Murdabad” on the streets. Is this the spirit of this city??? Ye he Mumbai meri jaan? When Islamabad was in havoc in the Marriot bombing our authorities and public did not bat an eyelash towards India. Yet why is it that India keeps attributing its failures to us. Its pretty sad to keep blaming someone else for your own mistakes, but then thats the easy way is it not?

Considering the scale and planning of this operation even a fool can see that the attackers must have stayed in India for a long long time to do reconnaissance, dry runs, procure arms, arrange for rooms, learn layouts plan timing, synchronize. Are we to all nod our heads in belief that they just happened to come from Pakistan in a ship and attacked Mumbai because the Indian media says so?

Nay I think the militants being from anywhere but India is an impossibility, infact by the pictures I have seen on the various TV channels abuzz with this tragedy, the attackers look nothing like Pakistanis. I would go as far as to say they look like they came from Assam in India itself.

So I think the world and us here in Pakistan would appreciate it if the Indian Authorities could provide some sort of evidence other than the “claim” that the person captured is a Pakistani. After all as far as claims go the Indian authorities have made several tall ones in the past about the samjhota express bombing, the parliment attacks and the most ludicerous one of India being a totally safe place in the world of today.

Filed Under: Current Affairs // Tagged: , , ,

Mumbai attacks through an indian bloggers eye

Posted on November 27, 2008 //



I would like to condemn what has occurred in Mumbai in the strongest possible terms and urge everyone to put aside their differences and stand together in the face of this atrocity. We really cannot let these terrorists play havoc with our lives any longer and separate us on the basis of religion caste or creed. This is a global problem and will only be solved if we come together and stand tall against these animals.

Filed Under: Current Affairs // Tagged: , , ,

Dying is the new living

Posted on November 25, 2008 //

For those who are having a bit of a hard time getting this, these are actual pictures of a funeral and a grave complete with booze, bed, plasma tv mirrors and all.


Filed Under: Humor, Photoblogging // Tagged: ,

Darkness within

Posted on November 25, 2008 //
It’s really difficult to describe the sensation of load shedding to someone who is unfamiliar with their power getting interrupted. The incident in question happened after the last “major bombing” incident, you may insert whichever one is the flavor of the week in Pakistan; a friend of mine called to check up on my well being from the U.S. The conversation went something like this…

Well wisher: Hey man, how are ya doing, all ok? We got a little worried here after what we saw on TV!

F.K : Yeah, we are fine man, just sitting here in the dark.

Well wisher: In the dark? Why are you sitting in the dark? Are you ok? Have you become a meditating ninja or something?

F.K: No, it’s the load shedding.

Well wisher: Load shedding? What the hell is that man?

F.K Err…it’s when the electricity goes for a bit here.

Well wisher: C’mon man, stop pulling my leg, I know I am not well versed about your country, but how can the electricity go, don’t you guys have like backup systems there?

F.K Yeah, I have a generator but its run out of fuel…

Well wisher: Umm, well get more fuel man, how long has it been?

F.K: About 6 hours.

Well wisher: (Gasps) Are you for real?!

I think it would be prudent to mention here that the person calling me was one of my college friends who happens to be of a Caucasian variety, and thus absolutely unfamiliar with the travails of the third world. So I explained a little bit to him and he was aghast, and said things like “but you have a new born there”. I was not shocked at his reaction, but rather at my own calm nature at the horrendous situation we face here day in and day out as the mercury rises along with the consumption of power, and thus the hours of load shedding. So I decided to sit down and think about why we are so immune to this impossible situation. Well, frankly the first thing that comes to mind is a little notion called “NO CHOICE” – it’s 44 C here the KESC (Karachi Electric Supply Corporation) has a distribution system resembling Swiss cheese and not enough money to buy tomorrow’s furnace oil which it burns to make electricity.

So the end grand result is that the lights go out and rather than refer to the situation as “pitch black” or something resembling a sane realistic term, we call it “load shedding”.

Yes dear readers, we do this because it is supposed to mean an infrequent short interruption in the power supply. At least that’s how it started out, but now the only short interruption is in the actual power black out itself as electricity comes to visit only for a few hours a day. I know what you are thinking at the moment, how do you cope with this man, how can you live like this, why doesn’t the government do something!

The sad part is that we have lived with it all our lives and it gets progressively worse every single year. I remember when it was a novelty in my childhood and we would start clapping when the lights came back after a few minutes. Then the minutes got longer and the clapping stopped, in fact it has been replaced by teeth gnawing, strained nerves and wall banging after a few hours of pitch black. Let’s put it this way, we have no resources to buy power from abroad, we do not have resources to generate more power at home and we have morons running the electricity company who are still in their seats extolling the virtues of saving power and what not. How in gods name is a person supposed to save power when he does not get it but for a few hours a day!!!

Naturally since we are being treated like monkeys in a cage, our reactions have been reduced to such as well. Stoning parties take place at the nearest KESC head office if the “darkness’ extends beyond a day and yes, they have sometimes shut it down for more than 12 hrs. In fact, I was standing in the complaint line at the KESC office a few days a go myself when an old man walked in asked politely where the D.E (divisional engineers) car is and proceeded to make a nice big hole in its windshield with a rock. When the employees asked in shock what was he doing the old man calmly replied “We are sorry for the interruption but we are helpless under the circumstances, please drive without a windshield to avoid it being broken” I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, yes I know what he did was wrong, but if you keep pushing a population too much at some point we are going to push a little back eh?

So here is my advice for the 5 people who are reading this.

If you think you have had a hard summer read from line 1 again
If you think you can handle Pakistan in the summer, I hope you never get a ticket
If you think you can understand, say a little prayer for those who are used to it, because the darkness gets a little creepy after a while.

(As printed in Te Saturday Post on 25/1/2008)

Filed Under: Karachi, Published Articles // Tagged: , ,

IsI closes political wing

Posted on November 24, 2008 //

In a startling but very pleasant surprise the ISI has decided to close its “Political Wing” here in Pakistan. This wing although never clearly acknowledged has been for the last 3 decades indulged in skull duggery with our political setup which includes spying on politicians, fixing deals to let one government stay or creating anti government lobbies and so on. this is the same agency wing which has been instrumental in fixing elections and horse trading for formation of the anti govt lobby in Benazirs time as well as the elections to bring the Q league into power in 2002.

Apparently the deicison has come from the highest level and our current general in charge should be congratulated for this, because quite frankly ever since he has come into power the role of the army and the intelligence agencies has been lessening in running the politics of this country and focusing more on what their actual duty is.

Perhaps with their phones not tapped and their movements not being recorded our political figures can also now go about doing the job they have been elected into office for, rather than go around galavanting all over the globe on begging bowl missions and such.

This is perhaps the last chance the people of Pakistan have given to their politicans and if they do not shape up soon enough, things might get a bit hard again for talk show guests and the power brokers of this country. I think now that this important step has been taken we should make public the actual role of this “wing” so the truth can be known to all. Its time to clean the slate and move on.

Filed Under: Politics in pakistan // Tagged: ,

How haraam is yoga?

Posted on November 22, 2008 //

We as a religion are not doing much for our namesake. I am speaking of the double edged sword that are “Islamic fatwas” Yes they may be used to bring a community together on a platform on an important issue but this power is often misused to really baffling results.

Most people today know of Islam through these “fatwas” or decrees by various Muslim authorities that such and such is haraam and killable and so on. This practice of issuing orders which seem unbelievable to the rest of the world not only falls on its face as no one but a handful of Muslims follow it but they deal a mortal blow to our clergymen and serve to isolate rather than return people to the fold of Islam.

Take for example the recent fatwah by the “National fatwah council” of Malaysia to ban Yoga because its roots are Hindu and thus haraam. Obviously not being satisfied by their foot in the mouth statement, they have gone one step further by proclaiming that “yoga” would destroy the faith of a Muslim if practiced.

Retarded yes….funny very much so as I always thought the faith of a true Muslim is unassailable by vices let alone a few breathing exercises. Whats next? banning public parks because they lead to fornication? Oh right we already did that somewhere too.

I shudder to think what the millions of Indians living and contributing towards Malaysia now think of their adopted homeland?

Filed Under: News Views // Tagged: , ,

What the bible should sound like!!

Posted on November 21, 2008 //

Filed Under: Humor // Tagged: , ,

In the end.. the world hates you

Posted on November 20, 2008 //

Filed Under: Humor, News Views // Tagged:

Obamaism’s part I

Posted on November 20, 2008 //

In the not too recent past we have been proud to bring a series of Bushism posts hopefully to the delight of everyone out there that reads this space, yes even you in the camouflage baseball cap holding a gun bought from wall mart. So since the new president has now been officially elected, I thought now is about the time to kick start a whole new series of  fuck ups by the president to be.

Is it something about that oval office??? Why do U.S presidents make so many gaffes? Anyhoo here goes nothing

“Let me be absolutely clear. Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s. It will be a strong friend of Israel’s under a McCain…administration. It will be a strong friend of Israel’s under an Obama administration. So that policy is not going to change.” –Amman, Jordan, July 22, 2008
“I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.” –at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon

Filed Under: Humor // Tagged: , ,

The new Coastguards

Posted on November 20, 2008 //

At first glance you dear reader would think I am perhaps doing a review of some new Baywatch type series full of babes and sand, however to my comic horror this is the name adopted by the newest menace on the face of this earth Somalian Pirates.

Piracy has been a problem in Somalia for the last 10 years, however with the total collapse of the central government there and general lawlessness the entire coastal passage of the gulf of aden is now more or less in the control of pirates. Till lately they were a minor irritant for international shipping vessels and naval fleets consisting of crude attempts to board ships and demand ransom for their return but as of late the pirates have not just gotten good they have become perfect at what they do.

From the tip of the iceberg which is the hawala system funding these pirate gangs on shore to the negotiators carrying fancy laptops all the way to london which sometimes even collect the ransom payments Somalians particularly of a coastal town known as Eyl have turned a petty pastime into a booming and thriving black industry. The attacks are carried out from “Mother ships” basically large sea faring vessels that can travel out in the water for days at end and carry sophisticated speedboats and armaments which the pirates then use to board vessels. According to BBC reports just last year pirates in this region collected 30 million dollars quietly as the owners of billions worth of shipping cargo and vessel paid to have their ships released.

This has resulted in Eyl becoming a sort of a haven for these young men who drive fancy cars have the latest wife’s and gadgets and are becoming shockingly acceptable in Somali society. Why wouldn’t they? They have money to throw around and not just that they spend but in an economy like Somalia’s they are the new elite. This is not all by the way as these buccaneers  just hit the mother lode.  Last week they captured a Saudi Oil tanker carrying 100 million worth of black gold.

As per last reports a multinational company specializing in ransom talks is negotiating for the state of Saudi Arabia with the pirates who have asked for 25 millions dollars to let the ship go. Basically they are over the moon with what they have gotten in their laps and now want to treat this as the mother of all deals. Imagine what the amount whatever it is will fetch these pirates in weapons and hi tech boats, we could see the rise of a pirate army here looting a passageway through which 30% of the worlds oil travels.

Personally I think the Saudis being looted is quite ok, after all they have been doing the same to me ever since i first drove up to the gas station. The western reaction to this new threat is the same “Al Qaeda” “Al Qaeda” is all they can scream, how novel eh? Hint millions of dollars in earnings does not mean religious fundamentalists,  just your everyday opportunists. Ho hum expect U.N to pass resolutions impose sanctions and hummers landing in somalia to git them suckers.

The skull and the crossbones has made a return to the high seas mateys argggghh!!!

Filed Under: News Views // Tagged: , ,
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