Letter to Aitezaz from Jahangir Badar

Please read as spelled for desired effect, this is a fictitious letter so dont get all riled up

Chory Tza Zessun,

Brister at La, LLM

Daktrate in La (Onris Kaza, Can Tub)

Member Central Xective Kmaitee

Dear Chory Saab,

In cardence with rules and sub rules, las, bye las and inlas of the Paty, in my capasty as the Secty Journal of the Paty and in consultation with the Shriek Chairman, I am sending you this notus. Tis imaptant that you take this seriously and rpoat back to the undersigned within one week.

Tis true that you are my teacher in la. That does not mean that you are my father in la. I have lunt my lessons well, and as a result, I have become xpert liar. My repootation is suppredding slowly slowly and I am naoo famous from Choona Mandi to Pani Walla Talab. I have also quired qualfications in hairdressing, inciyun of boils, bone setting and circumciyun. But my biggest luv as you know is Englush language. I can give you free lessons in Englush, so that you can become my bedient pewpal.

Dear Chory Saab,

Shriek Chairman is very angry. You are going to different different places and making lang lang sapeeches. You are going to different different cities and making lang marach. Why are you making lang marach sir ji? Are you Chairman Maoo? Are you Shriek Chairman? Are you Secty Journal? Then why are you curyating kill kill? So that Miansaab can go for the kill? Do you want to kill the Paty? Do you want to kill the Gormint? Nuf is nuf. It is time either or shut up or to eat phutta.
If you don’t want to eat phutta, if you are so fand of lang marach, why don’t you go to Mreeka? Why don’t give a dharna on the Pencil Vania Avenue? You can say to Obama, ‘Obamay, don’t send drones to tack us. Don’t send Hall Brook to tack us. Send us dallars. Don’t turn us into a cloony. Send Jaraj Clooney. Don’t send Anne Patterson. Send Angelina Jolie. You give uranium to India, so that they can make their bums bigger and you drap big bums on us, such as Praise Musharraf. Why don’t you treat us same to same? Hain Ji?’

Butt no, you want to eat the head of Shriek Chairman every day. This is the only thing you are goood at.

Can you not see that his hands are full? Swat is burning. There is a crisis. He has to sign the Sharia La. There is the pressure of time. He has to learn to sign his name fust. He is trying under my superviyyun. Thanks Gad, he has ejucated advisors like me, who don’t go on lang marach. By the grace of Gad, he will be ready before the governor of Pakhtunkhwa is beheaded.

I think Chory Saab, we should do a tie up and have a chat. We should do it privutly, so that nobady is watching when we are tied up. We can have a chat in Choona Mandi, or in Zaman Parak. But the best chat is in Bano Bzar in Nar Kali.

Let’s have a chat there,


Mhamd Jungeer Badar

Secty Journal

Contributed via email by Taff Hussain of  Wimpy wali haveli


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