My brothers and sisters, who live in this great country and around the world. Whose blood flows green rather than red and who love this place like no one else can, rejoice!!! as from Dec 15th we are now totally and absolutely free. The emergency has been lifted and all is now well. We can buy our goats and cows in total peace and tranquility as the great and impartial people in our exalted government will make dead sure, that not a stone is unturned or an effort left in making this upcoming election a clear and transparent one!
Yes my friends our great leader the pious and true General err President Musharraf will call upon hand picked pets err impartial foreign election observers who will be overdosed with great food and even better booze and observe the great leaders grand democratic elections. Where there is a level playing field and all parties are participating with great gusto, except for a nameless few who no one gives a toss about like that guy with the long beard and the has been Mr Khan.
Sure a few people have vanished, a few were tortured along the way & the most widely watched media group is still shut down as it refuses to give up on its principles and we made a few more changes to that Soddy piece of parchment but so what? Is it too big a price to pay for this country? remember my friends “Sab se pehle Q League” sorry my tongue seems to slip today, “sab se pehle Pakistan”. Not to worry the new supreme court will make sure that all the impartial and independent crap done in its great halls pre Nov 3 is washed away with the most diligent of scrubbing as it goes about following its Masters coat tails. As it should off course!, what else do these people wear those black robes for dammit?
Even better is the amazing news today that we have sent our interim crony err Prime Minister on the much required Haj. He needed to go as it is an immediate requirement to tip the holy scales in the governments side. After all we cannot hope to rig the hereafter can we? Maybe we need to come up with an agency who can look into that as well, pick up a few people, make things happen! To keep the exalted PM company, so that he does not get bored, he’s taken along a group of only 50 people or so. Imagine the frugality of this great gem of a person!! as he saves money for us to spend on more guns with every move he makes!
What more, today we have solved our great benefactors eternal problem as well. El Presidente in his graciousness has now pronounced that we now know where Osama is. No No No, he is not sitting in a yacht in the Mediterranean like we thought. neither does he live in Pindi, he is in Bajaur!!! and will soon be arrested. The only problem we are facing is that, since our great army is busy trying to bring Swat and its 200 militants under control we have no one to spare to get him. Perhaps we can send Kamran Khan to get him, but he might take 50 hrs of coverage to bring him in, and if he wears that red suit again who knows he might scare Osama off! Hmmm volia, i have it! we shall now scan the entire Bajaur district via predator drones and take pictures of all the bearded men there, which somehow seem to be a lot. Then we shall analyze who is Osama by his dental indentations and the slight mole on his left eyebrow, and send in our elite troops to catch him! Perhaps we can set his catching date as well, how does Jan 10th sound! we can put in our new fairly elected government into power and Osama out of power at the same time.
Ahh how lovely it is to breath in the air of freedom, how delicious the joy of the upcoming Bloody Eid, when the roads run amock with the blood of a million animals, we shall all feel so cozy and warm inside knowing that the new year will be even better than this last one for Pakistan. We shall have thrice the number of balls and charities parties, where we shall all drink till we are sane and party like mad!! for the poor earthquake victims off course. They really do need us to party hard for them!! they should be thankful though since in Pakistan, things just keep getting better and better, obviously as we are the first among the 4th world. Yes the 4th world, it does not exist until now, but that will not deter us from being its founder member! because where we can go, no nation has gone before!