Non perving 101


The world is shrinking is often a phrase we hear from users and experts of social media as more and more social networks keep springing up daily to enable us all to “connect” in different ways. There is however very little talk of the ethics of all this connecting business and what is a no no in it.

Most of us seem to treat conversation and interaction online as a casual extension of  ourselves and that is where the stupidity starts. The issue online is that when a person meets you for the first time they have a whole slew of facts about you ( yes! from your maniacal filling of your profile) to judge you with before you even utter a word. In real life the judgment upon you is usually from an experience which doesn’t reveal all about you in the first meeting. Which from a man’s angle is probably why women bother to talk to most of us anyways upon first encounter in real life.

So here are some pointers to appearing  “normal” online, whatever that may be in your connotation. Obviously this will not enable you to pick up women online because that ultimately depends on the woman concerned but you get the idea by now.

A) When you meet a woman with a fabulous DP (display pic for the social media challenged) and lets be truthful here most of them have one as they clean up much better than us lot. The idea is not to go ga ga in your expression of interest and say things like OMG YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFULL and the like which instantly signal “loser, desperate, troll” in a womans mind. It should be more subtle and along the lines of “nice DP” or something vaguely interested but offhand so as to make the point without seeming like you just creamed your pants.

B) Women online are generally more empowered as they have a voice, an ability to use technology and are mostly if not always career oriented. Thus their opinion counts a great deal more to them then your cousin rukhsana who sits at home and awaits the arrival of her fair knight. Hence its always better to listen more than talk. You may add to the conversation if you have something intelligent to say but if you don’t, non committal move along’s like “yes that’s true” work perfectly as well. Lets face it they are a lot better than what you “really want to say” aren’t they?

C) This is the new age, this is not irc where cheesy things like ASL (age sex location) as a question worked for you. Thus the women of this age and medium are a lot more used to far more intelligent creatures and thus require a bit more pizaaz so kindly don’t drool on your keys and try to jump into every conversation they have. Kindly also “don’t” remember facts they casually drop like where they live and age by mistake sometimes so as not to appear like a raspy voiced stalker. Buttering up doesn’t work either unless you know how to do it subtly and that’s hardly an artform you have under control if you are reading this keenly.

D) Unless you have the gumption to, don’t say things you cannot back up or which are unverifiable as related to you online. So if you commit to phrases from rumi and don’t know who that is or think that women online do not have the ability to google just when you went to school and what all you have achieved till now you are in a big pile of doo doo. I say this because people often tend to take online as a separation from reality and start to develop this whole other persona on it…which usually fails when you meet her in real life pretty bad.

E) Do not DM or inbox like a coked out teenager, unless you are a coked out teenager. People often tend to forget that there are different levels of intimacy online as well, so when someone speaks or replies or comments on your status once it does not mean that is an invitation to dm or inbox them your whole life story.

F) Just like there are different levels of intimacy involved in a social network, there are also different etiquettes one must adher to as “per” social network. So while it is quite ok to follow anyone you wish to on twitter it is NOT OK to send friendship requests to who ever you meet for five seconds in real life through facebook. Even if you think that their casually or politely smiling at you is an open doorway to their heart.


If you have understood the above pointers and are practicing them you should now be halfway to being no more a perv. The other half off course will have to be filled with your personality which I may humbly suggest is not a feat which can be achieved in the space of 800 words.