A midsummers tale

Not to be outdone with all that Pakistan’s cricket board has managed to provide to our nation in the last month or so, thrill wise our boyz are still at it making waves wherever they go. In fact I think its safe to say that no team in the world’s history can come up with the stuff our boyz manage every other day. From ball biting to cross border romances we have it all and in spades, so when I turned on Geo the other day and was taken aback with Maliks impending marriage to Indian tennis star Sania mirza, the surprise soon turned into thoughts of how the rest of the team would react and I came up with the following fictional but could be reactions considering the current situation in our countries favorite sport.

Muhammad Yousuf : Assalam walikum, all i want to say is that I have given my back, my clean shave and my love life for this team, I was a christian and I took up Islam, Alhamdulillah and all I have gotten back is insults. Shaoib Malik never liked me, he always tried to undermine my efforts. I shall soon reveal the truth about him and Bhabis sania’s haraam relations, I will never attend this wedding as I am announcing my retirement from all social functions very soon.

Inzimam : First of all Thanks to Almighty Allah for this great victory…..long pause…. None of this would have been possible without the boyz help and good efforts. I myself wanted to play a part in this engagement but that fitna dajjal umpire stopped me. Thanks to Allah though that he is now gone but so am I. (wild hand movements) I just miss Bob at this occasion if bob was here he would have done for sania bhabi what all the boyz have done for her before shoaib bhai is doing nikah with her. In the end I would like to say jonsa doolah bane ga islami tareeqe se bane because that is the best way. I urge Shoaib bhai to please keep a beard as Sania bhabi might like the way it tickles.

Younis Khan : I am a man with the heart of a lion, I respect and love every inch of my countries soil and mitti and even its flowers. I will never ever be a dummy best man, I know Shaoib wants me to be but that is not my way, that is not the way of the khan, I will never attend this wedding as I have a very important Tasmanian function to attend in the rural regions of Australia. I however wish Shoaib and Sania the best of luck but I wish to remind them of the time they made me wait outside their room, that is another reason I am not attending they made me the lion wait for 2 hrs. If they insist though I will join the wedding and beat up anyone who even smiles at me.

Shahid Afridi : Me khel ke maidan me deta hun 100% aur Sania bhabi is also giving herself to Shaoib 100% well maybe 80% because she likes Shahid Kapoor a bit also but that is not an issue. My focus is on victory and on Pakistan winning and thus as this is a big event for my brother Shoaib I will attend and hand out not only free head and shoulders kits but bite the bridesmaids one by one. I am off course always there to help as I am Afridi, Boom Boom Afridi.

Muhammad Asif : I cannot comment as this blog is in English and I do not know that language pretty much magar I would like to assure Malik bhai that if he invites me to the wedding I will not fly though dubai this time but bring the merchandise through the samjhota express.

Javed Miandad : Meeeiiin… Meeein tu siraf ye bolta hun ke shadi madi karne ke kiaa zaroorat pari hay, meeray tu itne taluqat heeein india me agar shooaib ne meeereein ko bola hota tu meeein tu saniaaa ko bus uthwa leta..aur kiyaaa aik phone ki tu mar hey javed bhai ke liye.

Sarfaraz Nawaz : I protest on this wedding, this is actually BCCI’s agenda to take over Pakistan cricket they are jealous of the way I swung the ball and that was in that match against England and then i passed on the art to Imran Khan who passed it on to.. khair I can prove Sania is a man and Shoaib is a woman and they are marrying each other for nothing, I shall prove it very very soon or Nawaz is not my name.

Shoaib Akther : Wellll all I can say is that Sania is not a new bird in the nest and she will remember the Rawalpindi express on her wedding because I am so fast if they invite me I will be gone and come back to party like its saturday night without anyone even noticing I was there..haha Im so fast..haha.

Imran Khan : I am not interested in the affairs of cricket these days as I am on a mission, a mission to save this country from the destruction the brown sahabs are bringing to it. aap mujhe ye batayen ke ham kahan ja rahe hain? A pakistani cricketer is marrying an Indian tennis star? Why? Is this not why the Taliban are angry with us, I think we should cancel this wedding and a local jirga be called to determine who shoaib should marry, if it is a chieftains daughter it would be better as only through dialogue can we move forward. We must not allow the corrupt ruling tennis elite of India to fraternize and marry our downtrodden masses such as Malik. I am telling you he does not know any better, he does not have food or electricity. We must launch a revolutionary march for this purpose, we must save our masses from the sanias of this world.

Misbah : Pal bhar ke liye koiyeee hame pyaaar kar leee jhoota hi sahiii

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All views and opinions expressed in the above piece are completely fictional and the work of this writers slightly deranged mind. He is indeed ecstatic at this union and just wishes to now see Kamran Akmal catching Katrina Kaif as he cannot catch anything else, well perhaps rabies would do also.