Learning to live with oneself

Many people in life fall into the repetitive pattern of self destruction. They go from one relationship to another, trying to find love and peace and sanity.

What they dont realise is, they end up going from an ok relationship, and jump into a bad relationship, in the desire to belong – hence compromising on values and the quality of person they’re with. It becomes a cycle of one relationship after another, with no time to breathe in the middle. There is no time to stop and take a deep breath, no time to examine what went wrong in a relationship, and where the mistakes on either side lay… There is no time to reflect or think, only a repetitive cycle of actions that undermine ones confidence and self esteem, as they go through one failed relationship after another.

They do not stop to think what hand they might have had in a relationship not working – they dont think that perhaps they were blaming themselves too much or too little, and they can almost never ascertain if their partner was toxic for them.

The one thing that gets to most people is the loneliness and silence that follows after a break up. The silence bites, the loneliness aches like nothing else. They are haunted by the sad thoughts, memories, nostalgia… all accompanied by tears and misery, pooling self pity.

Loneliness is what forces people to go back into the pursuit of love, to fill the void in their lives. Loneliness tempts people to fall back into old habits that are usually their comfort zone. Its pretty easy to say, hell with trying to change, I can do that another day – what I have is right now, this love is being offered to me, why not accept it..what the worst that can happen, more heartbreak?

What they don’t realise, each relationship they further jump into is more and more toxic – people take advantage of their vulnerability – they can almost immediately sense low esteem in a person, just like dogs can sniff out fear in an instant. These people who supposedly love you are savage, ruthless, and play many emotional mind games to make you succumb into far more ways than you might ordinarily have even considered. The more you give in, the more they take advantage.. and for each time they make you give in, they themselves have no problem snubbing you when it suits them.

The lesson to be learnt from the above mentioned observations:

Learn to live with yourself

The loneliness/silence that follows a relationship, though initially hard to bear, is a healer. It gives you time to think. It gives you time to do things for YOURSELF, instead of constantly giving and giving to other people. It helps a person in:

• Giving oneself time for self -reflection
• Rebuilding esteem
• Letting go of pain
• Dealing with Emotional issues
• Reconnecting with God
• Never settling for less than your worth, ie. The BEST

And while it is easier to say, DONT do something – the DONTS have no meaning unless provided with alternate solutions.

• Keep busy
• Explore new hobbies
• Take out time to pursue your dreams, eg. getting a degree
• Learn to love yourself- write the negatives and positives about yourself, and every time you learn to accept one of your negatives, pat yourself on the back for one of your positives
• Think Positive
• Exercise
• Do things you really enjoy
• Bond with Family – aka, the only people who really give a damn about you and are there through thick and thin, irrespective of their short comings.
• Be grateful for the blessings in life, big or small. eg. 3 meals a day
• Take out some time for yourself in a day, to write your feelings, and over time, you will sense peace within yourself.

And lastly, some self-help tips:

• Do not berate yourself
• Do not constantly put yourself down
• Appreciate your good points, focus on working on the bad
• Seek love in another form, such as a pet.
• Do not eat yourself to destruction, instead exercise.
• Work on keeping your esteem up
• LOVE yourself
• Exercise patience
• Make a conscious effort to not fall back into old habits
• Strive to better the quality of your life
• There is no shame in crying
• There is no shame in asking for help
• Do not hold on to grudges – let them fade to things of the past
• Do not carve yourself like a turkey at thanksgiving, do not drink your liver into failure, and certainly don’t smoke things that make you fly like a little birdie – remember, red bull gives you wings!
• Make yourself a top priority
• Do not fall for the charms of anyone when in a state of loneliness – Until you do not feel like you are in control of your life, and are calm and content with the world around you, and within yourself  – until your esteem is not sky high – you are not in a position to take decisions about love.

Love yourself, because at the end of the day, you are your own best friend, and also , you are the maker of your own destiny.